Happy happiness

3 days before our 6 year mark.

2 1/2 weeks before our wedding.

Flowers are delivered to me for the first time.

My favourite flowers.

From my favourite boy.

And I am the happiest gal around.

Pure Happy

I have this friend. Wait let me start somewhere else. When other people get things, and I don't I'm usually only partially happy for them. Mostly I get really angry and kind of jealous, but not quite. I don't know what the word is. Maybe resentful. Anyway, it's really tiring believe it or not. I hate it. A lot. But even though I recognize it as soon as it happens, I can never seem to stop it. So this friend. Most of you don't know him. Who he is is pretty irrelevant. But recently he just had some really great things happen to him, and is in a really great place in life. A great girlfriend (who I really like), he just graduated from school, which he did really well in an really enjoyed. And just landed a sweet job, that he's super excited about and pay's pretty dang decently! Also, he just had his 21st birthday. So, after we went out for drinks with him and some friends, and I found all this out and realized what a great position he was in I just felt happy for him! No resentfulness, no anger, no jealousy or hatred. It was such a wonderful feeling. I'm even getting it right now a little bit! I don't know why I felt so happy for him, but it was a really nice feeling. I was trying to explain it to Thomas, and I asked him if thats how he felt when good things happened to other people, he said; yup, pretty much. Then I was jealous! But, I'll just take it one step at a time and be happy for myself being happy for once! Yay.

Dream Come True

I always wish Tom would surprise me. Somehow. Anyhow. Anyway. Anywhere. I'm not picky. You know like in the movies, when the girls are so happy and in love! Yes, like that..never happens..except for yesterday!!

Kim let me know that her and Nick were coming over for supper. I had youth at 7:00. So on my way home I texted Tom and asked him to come for supper. He could leave when I left, still get home nice and early, and Kim was cooking so it was bound to be good! All of these pro's. Zero con's. How could he not come?! Well he came up with an excuse. He wanted to wash his car..That made me angry, needless to say. I texted Kim and told her to make him come. I got two responses at the same time; Tom: I think I'm just going to go home.. and Kim: Sorry...I tried... This was when I was just getting off the bus. I was so upset, I just wanted to see my Thomas. Nope, totally don't care that I get to see him tomorrow. I'm walking down a path to the cove we live on, and from the angle I enter it at I can see Nicks truck parked on the street. I was so upset. I just don't understand him sometimes, it was such a perfect plan. Oh well..here goes nothing. Then, I get a little further, and there is it. That wonderful black Monte Carlos. The car I do a double take at every time, just incase it is my Thomas. Right where I want it to be; in my driveway. Happiness is bliss. Why have I given someone that power over me? Oh well, not much I can do now..all I can hope for is to still get that same feeling every time I see that car in our driveway. Every time I come home. To our house. Happy sigh...

*Yes, he tricked me. No, he didn't change his mind and come over after all that. Just thought I should add that in.

tree paint

I am doing a painting to put in the silent auction at our social house. It's a painting of a tree, which is just about the only thing I ever feel like drawing or painting lately. I don't know why, I don't know what it means, but I don't really care that much. I just love them. Now all you have to come and try and win it!

Strangely Familiar

I Saw something yesterday that triggered a memory that took me a while to figure where it was from.

Kurt and Courtney came in this weekend with their kiddies. It was a fun and busy weekend. As Kurt was trying to pack up and get everything all together last night, Sam was being a bit of a winy boy and just wanted his daddy. At one point I saw Kurt walk down our stairs and out the garage door, closing it behind him. He passed Sam along the way and left him behind. I saw this shudder of longing ripple through him. The one thing in the world that he wanted just left him. He was too torn up to understand that his dad was going to come back and get him in 2 minutes. He didn't care about anything else, he just wanted his dad to come and scoop him up and take him with him wherever he went.

As I saw this pain in him it triggered some kind of memory or feeling. I could remember that pain of someone leaving you. I guess I just remembered my parents leaving me at various times throughout my childhood. But this feeling seemed more recent. It took me a while to put a finger on it. But I recognized the feeling Sam had as the same one I have when Tom leaves me. It was such a subtle connection and in a different context that it took me a while. Once I figured it out, it seemed strangely comforting to pass that torch off from my parents as a child, to Tom as an adult.

Stretched

Today I feel like Bilbo when he had possession of the ring for too long.

"I feel...thin. Sort of stretched, like...butter scrapped over too much bread."

~Bilbo Baggins

People keep saying they will help me if I just ask! I'm not sure if it's that I don't like asking for help; I feel like I should be able to do it on my own if I just put my mind to it and stay organized and on top of things. But I keep convincing myself theres not really much I can get people to do. I am kind of the one who has to be doing it all. Either way it is a curse. I wish there were two of me at the moment. I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be better though, because I'm also pretty sure I'm just a winey complainer.

I'm leaving on 3 jet planes!

My bags are packed. I'm mostly ready to go. Though I don't have a taxi waiting for me, I got a lovely surprise last night when Thomas said he got the afternoon off work and he was taking me out for lunch! :) Thats pretty much as good as it gets. If you know the Oost boys, you know they don't slack at work, and don't ask for unnecessary time off, making this afternoon a HUGE treat! And me a very, very happy girl.

This blog may be updated along our trip by people on "our team". If I update anything it will be my blog..but don't count on it! See you in 3 weeks!

YAY!

We got a house! It's a piece of work, thats for sure, but in a couple of years, with a little bit of help from my friends (aka my papa and George) it is going to be magic. Ahhh, the relief. Good mostly because I'm sick of looking at houses that I don't get. But I get this one! It'll be ours in 2 weeks! :) Then Tom will get to work, since I will be off in Guatemala. Our address is 600 Bond. Feel free to Google maps it! :)

A downer on this happy time is that I seem to have misplaced a few things, at a really convenient time seeing as I'm leaving tomorrow! Such as my car keys, my wallet and my camera charger. If you see them lying around please pass them my way. Thanks!

Plans

I have a feeling these next few months are going to be non stop. Right now my main concern is getting ready for Guatemala. I did happen to get the first phase of my shots, and just on time, with -1 day to spare. Yes that is a negative one. The rapid hepatitis B immunization takes 21 days. You get a needle on day zero, then one on day 7 and the last one to complete the cycle in on day 21. But according to this day counter I am leaving on day 20. Yes, I will be getting the last needle on day 20, most likely on my way to the airport...ha ha. Kind of not funny.

Then when I return it is full force wedding. Which I am having so much fun with! Just like every other girl who has dreamed and planned her wedding since she was 8 years old! Ha! Puke. I feel in situations like this the guys is actually supposed to do half the work, because we are enjoying it an equal amount. But let me warren you, that is not how it goes. Doesn't matter if I don't enjoy it, I still want an end result I am proud and happy of. I really don't think Tom's wedding would be very well organized. There really wouldn't be much to it. So here I am planning a wedding. Not on my own. Just...mostly! Ha.

I'll keep you posted.

Free digital collage customized with Smilebox

How am I doing?

I should be doing great...should be. I am seriously starting to think there is something wrong with me! Here are the facts;

Good things in my life right now:

1. I am engaged to the man I love.

2. We are looking for a house to live in together.

3. We are financially able to afford a house (which I think is pretty good for our age)

4. I am eating and sleeping great lately, resulting in me losing some weight, which never hurts!

5. I have a job that I am still enjoying-good hours and such.

6. I'm going to Guatemala in 3 weeks!

Things that I feel are taking over and making me feel stressed or depressed and I don't like it:

1. We can't find a freaking house that we like that likes us back.

2. There are 18 thousand other people getting married this summer (for some reason this is stressing me out beyond belief. Trying so very hard to get over it..)

3. There has been some stress at work this week.

4. I have to get a bunch of shots to go to Guatemala, and I can't get it together to go to the doctor/I don't have a doctor!

There are more items that belong on both of those list, but I don't want to keep you here forever. Basically, I should be having a really fun, exciting time right now and enjoying life. But I just can't seem to get it together. More often than not I feel angry, and bitter towards someone or something. Instead of feeling excitement I feel resentment and lost hope. Though I have been supported a fair amount I feel abandoned alone. What is wrong with me? I'm going to blame these feelings on the winter and pray it vanishes in Guatemala (if I don't die because I don't get my shots on time..)

Money, money, money, money, MONEY!

I feel like I have a lot going on lately. But I don't really feel overwhelmed. Mostly I just feel poor. I was with Tom the other night, and he seemed a little off. When I asked what was wrong he just replied, "I hate money." Ha ha, I know it kind of sucks sometimes, but we're really quite well off. I was just thinking of all the worse situations we could be in. First off we are already so young, for us (Tom) to even be approved for a mortgage is amazing! For me to have the chance to go to Guatemala 3 months before our wedding is also amazing! For us to have family that has the money and will start dishing it out if we run out and ask for it is also pretty amazing. I think we are in a pretty good situation, and I can't wait for it to all start playing out. Plus in both of our worrying we completely forgot about two things:

a) The Social House (yes basically a coffee house, but it's at the cafe I work at and there will be drinks) where I am hoping to make a little bit of extra cash to pay for this wicked sweet party we're going to throw on the Second of July.

b) At a wedding people just give you envelopes of money!! I know, how ridiculous, but hopefully we will be able to afford some cheap (used) furnishing for this so called house we are supposed to be buying. OR we can put it towards a little honeymoon or towards folk fest which is conveniently 4 days after our wedding.

So if you feel like sending some money our way I promise it will not go to waste. It will either benefit the little town of Izabel in Guatemala, or it will go towards a pretty awesome wedding that you will be invited to!

Mother Effer.

we put a bid on a house. We both really wanted it. I know it was our first bid, and the chances of us actually getting the first house we bid on were slim.

I said I wouldn't be disappointed if we didn't get it. There are more houses out there. But I think I only said that because I really truly thought we were going to get it.

We lost it by 1200 bucks. Which just makes it all that much worse. And now I'm just minorly bummed out.

Poop to that.

What not to do

When you get a nice expensive gold ring they should give you a manual with it. Well maybe people like Tom and I anyway..

Heres something interesting I learned about mercury this weekend:

"Its ease in amalgamating with metals is made use of in extracting gold, silver, and platinum from their ores."

Aka; mercury sticks to gold. I have a gold ring on my finger, as of late. These two things do not go so well when my life long dream of playing with mercury comes true. But let me tell you, it was totally worth all the poisoning and ring ruining I am now experiencing! It was SO cool!

So the story goes; I was playing with the mercury. It's really fun to pour. From my hand to the jar, from the jar to my hand. After we are done playing with the mercury we wash our hands really well, and as I'm washing my hands I look at my nice shiny ring and say to Courtney, "weird, the light in this house totally makes my ring look silver rather than gold! What the heck?!" I go around the house to all different lights and it always looks silver! I take it off and am holding it at different angles, still looks silver. Then I realize it feels funny too, it's all slippery...What is going on. I suddenly realize. If I run my fingernail along the metal of my ring I can see the thin layer of liquid metal slightly move. SHITE! How on earth do you get it off? I know! Mercury is heavy, if I put my ring in some water it will sink in the water thus leaving my ring unharmed. Yeah, that doesn't work for future reference. So next step, Thomas starts looking on his crackberry on how to fix this whole situation. We find a website that gives us instructions as follows;

You will need:

A lighter

A coat hanger

Some polish/toothpaste

gloves and goggles

Hold the ring with a piece of coat hanger and hold the blue part of the flame up to it. The heat will boil off the mercury. Try not to breath when you are are burning your ring, and it says it won't take long. Then to clean it rub it with toothpaste.

Great, here we are two weeks after I get this nice shiny ring holding it up to a lighter for half an hour, tarnishing the crap out of it, and hopefully not damaging it!

The short of the story is it mostly worked! Though the jewellers were not very impressed with what I had done, and not very appreciative of how well we had cleaned it ourselves! Ha ha, well I think it makes a good story anyway, who else can say that's happened to them two weeks after they got their ring!

now faith

I've always known that we would end up this way. Happily engaged, on our way to a wonderful marriage. With many blessings and well wishes from all our family and friends. Maybe not always. Tom credits himself for "sticking it out" in the beginning when I was a "moody teenager", not yet 16. I guess he was the more mature gent. But, I've known it for a few years at least.

Now that it is really, actually here, sometimes I worry. Not that we will fight. Or stop loving each other. Or get a divorce. But I worry what hard times we will have to endure as we choose to forever join our lives together. Will one of us get sick? With cancer or some other fatal disease. Will we be strong enough to live through it together. Will I have a miscarriage in 5 years, and not know what to do with myself? How will we cope? What about when our parents start to pass away. Will I be able to support my Thomas through that? All these unanswered questions.

Can you tell I am having a hard time being faithful?* I realize there is not much else I can do but have faith. Life would not be very enjoyable if all I did was worry and push everyone I care about away. So here begins a new journey of faith.

*Feel free to pass on any good verses on faith you have kicking around in your head.

Where to start?!

While most of you know by now...I'm engaged! Finally! Yes, I am very happy. And now am planning a wedding for the next six months.

Our preliminary date is July 2nd. We are still waiting to hear about the place we are trying to get hitched. I'm not going to tell you where it is, and get myself all excited about it until we know for sure. Lets just say it's going to be a country-boy/hippy-girl kinda wedding. Which I have decided to call a "Prairie Wedding".

Until all that gets sorted out we are planning a coffee house. My boss has agreed to let me host it at the cafe I work in, which is going to work out really well because it is a cafe! Made to serve food and drinks to many people at once! Plus, (bonus of the year) IT HAS A DISHWASHER!! Which the church does not. This is a real pain in the butt when you have 1000 dishes to wash.

Next on my "exciting-life-of-a-twenty-year-old-girl-who-is-taking-on-way-too-much-in-the-2011-year" agenda is; I have been offered a chance to go to Guatemala on a Habitat for Humanity trip with my Aunty Jan and Uncle Ron! I must say, I am almost more excited for this trip than for my wedding! It is going to be so cool. Not only do I get to go on a trip where I get to meet lots of amazing people, work in the hot humid sun of Central America and build houses for appreciative people. But, I get to go traveling with the most expert traveling couple I know, whom I also happen to get along with really well.

So, I guess I should get started on some planning or packing or whatever it is I should be doing! :)