Pure Happy

I have this friend. Wait let me start somewhere else. When other people get things, and I don't I'm usually only partially happy for them. Mostly I get really angry and kind of jealous, but not quite. I don't know what the word is. Maybe resentful. Anyway, it's really tiring believe it or not. I hate it. A lot. But even though I recognize it as soon as it happens, I can never seem to stop it. So this friend. Most of you don't know him. Who he is is pretty irrelevant. But recently he just had some really great things happen to him, and is in a really great place in life. A great girlfriend (who I really like), he just graduated from school, which he did really well in an really enjoyed. And just landed a sweet job, that he's super excited about and pay's pretty dang decently! Also, he just had his 21st birthday. So, after we went out for drinks with him and some friends, and I found all this out and realized what a great position he was in I just felt happy for him! No resentfulness, no anger, no jealousy or hatred. It was such a wonderful feeling. I'm even getting it right now a little bit! I don't know why I felt so happy for him, but it was a really nice feeling. I was trying to explain it to Thomas, and I asked him if thats how he felt when good things happened to other people, he said; yup, pretty much. Then I was jealous! But, I'll just take it one step at a time and be happy for myself being happy for once! Yay.

Dream Come True

I always wish Tom would surprise me. Somehow. Anyhow. Anyway. Anywhere. I'm not picky. You know like in the movies, when the girls are so happy and in love! Yes, like that..never happens..except for yesterday!!

Kim let me know that her and Nick were coming over for supper. I had youth at 7:00. So on my way home I texted Tom and asked him to come for supper. He could leave when I left, still get home nice and early, and Kim was cooking so it was bound to be good! All of these pro's. Zero con's. How could he not come?! Well he came up with an excuse. He wanted to wash his car..That made me angry, needless to say. I texted Kim and told her to make him come. I got two responses at the same time; Tom: I think I'm just going to go home.. and Kim: Sorry...I tried... This was when I was just getting off the bus. I was so upset, I just wanted to see my Thomas. Nope, totally don't care that I get to see him tomorrow. I'm walking down a path to the cove we live on, and from the angle I enter it at I can see Nicks truck parked on the street. I was so upset. I just don't understand him sometimes, it was such a perfect plan. Oh well..here goes nothing. Then, I get a little further, and there is it. That wonderful black Monte Carlos. The car I do a double take at every time, just incase it is my Thomas. Right where I want it to be; in my driveway. Happiness is bliss. Why have I given someone that power over me? Oh well, not much I can do now..all I can hope for is to still get that same feeling every time I see that car in our driveway. Every time I come home. To our house. Happy sigh...

*Yes, he tricked me. No, he didn't change his mind and come over after all that. Just thought I should add that in.